Hey Y’all!! 

I am the only one still actively answering and posting on this blog.  

SO I am looking for a co-mod to help answer questions and queue material. AND possible help run a weekly video as well. 

Please submit :D 

Anonymous said: Im cisfemale&straight I identify as female but I just learned about packing, Im kinda excited. Its like everything Ive ever wanted I like being a girl,but Ive always been interested in penises. What does that make me? I'm still interested in men and vaginal sex, but I want a packer so bad & have an interest in pegging Im confused on what I would identify myself as.I know we aren't supposed to label ourselves, but I havent found anything on straight women interested in packing. I feel weird.

Hi!  There are two things that could be happening: 1)  You’re a cishet woman who just likes packing.  Nothing wrong with that!  Playing with gender is a lot of fun (:  OR 2)  Your gender is a bit less cis than you thought… Which is just as ok!  Gender is complicated so I can’t really tell you what you are, but there’s tons of variation within both cis and trans communities.  Just because you like packing doesn’t mean you’re trans, just like being trans doesn’t mean you’re gonna pack.  You also have to keep in mind that society is big on penises so naturally we’re all kind of fascinated by them, just as we are with boobs (Both body parts can easily be found drawn on random objects around the country).  So it’s totally normal for a cishet woman to be interested in them.  You seem to have a open mind about it so that’s good.  Play around with packing and pegging, have safe/consensual fun, and see what you can figure out.  Identity is hard to narrow down, but it’s perfectly ok (and I would even recommend it!) to play around with different things while you’re still in the learning phase.  

Good luck and cheers to lots of consensual pegging!
Ari

Anonymous said: I have a dilemma, I am 18 years old (female,gay) and am about to start my second year at college in a new school. My love life has never existed, and I fear that my inexperience is really unattractive at my age. I also have this undeserving attitude towards relationships (as if I don't deserve one) and my overall view of anything love like is extremely dismal. It seems pointless, but at the same time I want one. Life was easier when I could just accept that everything sucked. Thanks.

I’m not sure what you’re asking?  
It can be hard seeing a point in dating when you’re aware that you and that person are just going to break up, but relationships are great.  They can suck a ton sometimes, but the good times make up for the bad and even if you get hurt in the end, they’re still worth it because they helped you grow and you enjoyed it while it was happening.  
As far as your inexperience goes… it’s not as big a deal as you think.  Sure, some may find it to be a deal-breaker but those people aren’t worthy of your time.  If your partner isn’t going to be respectful of you not being as experienced as they are and aren’t going to be super accommodating, then you shouldn’t have sex with them.  It’s a hard situation that I think a lot of the queer community gets into because we value this idea of sexual freedom and constant sexual relations, but don’t really discuss boundaries and the idea of being ready to do things.  So we have these inexperienced queers, myself included, getting into these sexual relations with more experienced queers and instead of being honest, we pretend we know what we’re doing and it’s just super unhealthy and toxic and can be really damaging and painful for some.  Find someone who respects you and wants to make sure you’re safe.  You are worth it.  

Ari

Anonymous said: There's this girl I know and she's gorgeous, all that and more in my eyes. I'm head over heels for her you have no idea.. She knows I'm bi and she's told me she's not interested... leaving me heartbroken and feeling bad about myself. How do I found other bi or lesbian teens in my area.... I feel its so hard without having to tell everyone your gay and I don't want everyone in school judging me... Any advice on how to connect with other lgbt teens...?

Depends on your age.  If you’re over 18, okcupid is a good website for queers to meet lovers and friends.  If you’re not 18, look up if your town has an LGBTQIA center and if they do, see if they have weekly youth groups you can attend.  Does your high school have a QSA?  If not, consider starting one or you can even attend the one at your local community college.  In my experience, the students who attend the QSA on college campuses are younger so you may be able to find someone your age there.  You may have luck finding queers your age at local open mics, but it may not be the easiest to interact seeing as it’s more of a “sit and listen” environment.  And finally, tumblr!  Tumblr is a great place to meet queers, whether local or far away.  There are lots of tumblrs focused on submitting photos/URLs in order to meet other queers and usually there’s one for each state.  Take a look and see what you can find.  Even if it’s a long distance friend, that’s better than having no one you can talk to. 

Hope this helps!
Ari

Anonymous said: I keep seeing people saying that you shouldn't label yourself but how do I figure anything out without labeling or wondering what my label is?? I guess I just want to be loved by someone else idk it's a weird want. I guess everyone wants someone else who cares about them... I just am different I want a girl instead of the stereotypical guy...

When I was first coming out, I desperately wanted a label so I get it.  Labels make it easy when you’re discussing your life with others.  It’s not so much that you shouldn’t label yourself, but instead recognizing that labels can’t tell the entire story and that when discovering your sexuality, putting a label on it shouldn’t be your main focus.  If one fits you best, go ahead and use it but also be aware that things change and labels aren’t concrete.  Change it as often as you need.

Date whoever you want, love whoever you want, be whoever you want.
If you want to date a girl, go ahead and do it (:  Just make sure you’re happy doing whatever you do.

Ari

Anonymous said: Hi! I'm 22 and physically female. Until this year I was sure I was identifying as woman but I started to question it. I have days when I would gladly wear a dress and be cute but for the most time I am put off not only by women's clothes but everything that's feminine,even female bodies scare me and make me feel uncomfortable. I can rarely imagine myself having sex as female. I don't mind female pronouns. I started to wonder if maybe I'm gender neutral or gender fluid but I'm confused. Help?

Hi there!  I know how you feel, love.  I’m AFAB (assigned female at birth) and currently identify as nonbinary and use they/them pronouns.  Gender fucking sucks to figure out.  It’s very possible you are gender neutral or some other aspect of the trans community, but I can’t tell you what you are because that’s something only you can do.  Something that has helped me is going through the “nonbinary” tag on here and becoming familiar with the stories and experiences of other people in the community.  It gives you a variety of viewpoints and may help you recognize things you do/think/feel that you didn’t realize were related to you gender.  The more familiar you become with your own thoughts and feelings, the easier it is to decipher your gender (I use “easy” lightly because it’s never actually that simple).  

As far as your distaste for femininity and certain bodies goes:  It may help if you start looking at your body with a less binary framework.  There isn’t really a “female body.”  There are particular aspects of the human body (usually genitals, but sometimes hormones and chromosomes) used by the medical industry to break the population into two categories, ie: male and female.  I personally avoid saying I have a female body and instead say I was assigned female at birth and then use specific terms to describe what anatomy I have.  It helps me reinforce within myself that my body is queer and it’s beautiful and it may not fit how I want to look sometimes, but it’s masculine and feminine and everything in between.  Also, I definitely understand what you mean when you say you are turned off by femininity.  Some days I feel exactly the same way.  With me, I’m well aware that some of that is driven by my internalized misogyny, while the rest is my gender identity.  It’s important for me, personally, to acknowledge it so I can better separate out what thoughts are important to my identity.  This seems to help me, but everyone is different so it may not be relevant to you.  In addition, when sex is involved it could be way more than just your gender causing you to be put off.  Our society has very skewed views on sex so that could be impacting it a little bit.  Sex is whatever you want to make it.  If you don’t like penetration, don’t do penetration.  If you want to do anal, do anal.  If you don’t want your partner to touch your pubic region, don’t let them.  Maybe spend some time looking at why you can’t see yourself having sex “as a female” as you put it.  Is it because you’re uncomfortable with your body? Maybe your gender is too jumbled right now to feel ok having sex at all?  (I’ve been in this boat many times)  Or perhaps it’s because society is telling you there’s only a few ways you can have sex and those ways aren’t appealing to you?  Could you perhaps be asexual?  Try to figure that out while also seeing what boundaries you have.  Do those play into your aversion to sex?  Always keep in mind that there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex.  The asexual community is real and legitimate with varying levels of sexuality and it’s possible you could be a part of it.  


It’s all super complicated and difficult for others to tell you what to do, but  I wish you the best of luck!

Ari

Anonymous said: I'm a girl, 17, bi & have been with my girlfriend for 8 months now a few of our friends know about us & maybe half the school because the secret slipped. Lately we have hardly anytime 4 each other and find it hard to just be together as we try to avoid being caught. At school we acted as best friends and I feel as if we are just staying friends more than lovers because she doesn't want to be out there at school, I've tried to accept but it keeps getting harder. Idk what to do I can't leave her

My ex wasn’t out to her roommates or her friends at school when we were together and it definitely was hard on me, but you need to keep in mind that her not wanting to be out isn’t a matter of being ashamed of you.  Even if you break up and she starts dating someone new and she comes out then… it’s not a matter of shame.  It’s simply her acknowledging that she now feels safe enough to come out.  If you don’t want to leave her, the only thing you can do is be understanding and supportive.  No one needs to come out before they feel safe to do so and pressuring her won’t make that happen sooner.  Stick in there.  It’s certainly rough being the partner of someone who isn’t out, but just it’ll be harder on her if you force her to come out.  Be sure to talk to her about how you feel without seeming like you’re attacking her.  Let her know you feel insecure about it or you have doubts of the validity of your relationship.  If she isn’t aware of how you feel, she can’t do anything to help you feel more secure.

Ari

Anonymous said: Hi, I'm a girl and I'm finding it very hard to identify with a certain type of sexuality/ sexual orientation. I feel like match definitions partly but never to the full, and different sources give different meanings. It never feels fully right. I am aware that I don't have to confirm to a certain label, but it would feel better to have a label to identify with. How should handle the situation? Thank you xxx

I understand this completely. Queer is a good umbrella term if need be. Keep in mind that each source has a different definition because everyone adapts labels to fit them. If any label just seems to fit best, you can go with that and adjust the definition to fully fit you. Sexuality isn’t set in stone and neither are labels.

Ari

Anonymous said: Ok so recently I met this guy in Grindr we have been talking ever since, about a week or so, he's very sweet and he is very open and he always has something nice to say about me. So he wants me to stay at he's house and I feel weird about staying at he's house because we don't know each other very well and we have never even seen each other in person. I do feel like I can trust him and he says that he doesn't want me to stay over to have sex or anything, I just don't know if I should stay over

Your gut reaction seems to be that you shouldn’t and that’s what you should listen to. Your safety is what matters and if you aren’t sure, don’t do it. Take some time to get to know him more before putting yourself in a vulnerable situation.  Please be safe and take care <3

Ari

Anonymous said: Do you ever have the problem where whenever you like someone and they like you back, that you nitpick things about them? Like, they were so perfect when they weren't attainable but now that there's a chance something could happen between you, you suddenly search for reasons why you don't want to? I keep doing this and I hate it. :c

I have experienced that and with me it usually means I’m not really into that person.  You could be chasing the wrong people or you’re just not ready for a relationship right now or both.  It’s fine to be like that, but make sure you don’t hurt others in the process.

Ari